Monday, November 27, 2006

Here Or There

A couple of months have since passed when I last saw my family. As much as it was a sad circumstance in which we had gathered for I was still nonetheless happy to be back home. It was almost felt like a relief. A relief from a sense of detachment and loneliness I have felt that I had suppressed.

In that short week and a half I felt like I belong again. Once again I felt comfortable and wanted and free. Things were familiar and comforting.

But I was happy and miserable all at once. Happy that I was in the company of my cherished loved ones. Miserable that I couldn't share the experience with the one I love who was thousands of miles away.

Mum tells me I have a sunny disposition - what she does not see is the longing and the tears when I'm away from them. And yet when I'm with them, my heart is pining for my dearest.

Over here I have love. I have independence and I have a career ahead of me. And yet there'll always be a void that can only be filled by kinship.

This here is my dilemma - my heart torn in separate directions. This here is my heartache - my saviours are my tormentors.

Friday, November 24, 2006

The One About The Train

*WARNING* Weak stomaches keep away. Hazard ahead.

I had a pretty crappy morning today ... literally.

As my train pulled into the station today I was scanning the seats from the platform as usual and thought - hey lots of seats today! No need to fight for a seat!

Stepped into the train to grab a seat and lo and behold - someone freaking SHAT all over the seats!

Chunks of HUMAN waste littered on the seats and floor. Some smeared artistically across those VERY AVAILABLE seats like peanut butter on toast.

And what is that big wet trail on the carriage floor??

I suppose Number 1 does come before Number 2 ...


Oh my lord ... the ~SMELL~ permeated practically the entire carriage.

Here I was thinking I have to run home and have a shower and some brave and quite obviously mental souls were taking seats so close to the brown mess.

How on earth do you take a dump on the train?!

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Colour Your Life

So I decided to do the Colorgenics profiling that a friend sent to me.

Here's what it says about me:

Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.

You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

I reckon this is mostly true except for the rebellion.

I've always been a somewhat docile individual and prefer some form of authority in terms of my career. However this may not be entirely true in my personal life. Outside of work, the more someone pushes me in a direction the more I resist. Maybe people should know that I will come in my own time ...

Care to do some colour profiling yourself?

Friday, November 10, 2006

When I Grow Up

When I grow up I want to be a fairy and sprinkle my **fairy dust** upon unsuspecting sleeping children *teehee*

The little kid in me still believes I am invincible and still yearns to nuzzle into mum's tummy to hear her breathe and giggle over the funny sounds her tum tum is making.

The angsty teenager in me still believes the world is against her and is poised to rebel against anyone who stands in her way.

The young adult in me is chary of her surroundings and is constantly trying to prove herself.

The grown woman in me is recognising that her flaws and imperfections are nothing more than what god threw in to make us more interesting.

The old girl in me believes she's seen everything and misses the good ol' times sitting on the floor while mum tenderly runs a comb through her hair ... so so softly she could have fallen asleep.

When I grow up I want to be a time traveller.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Happy Birthday Munchkin!

So my baby sister is 23, yo!

Big girl already so I promise I won't share anymore embarrassing stories about you with my friends.

You know like that story about how your head got stuck in between our stair railings until dad came home?

Or how you sendiri jalan-jalan and then fell into a drain at night after dinner?

Or how you pandai-pandai play with matchsticks and almost burnt the house down?

Don't worry my lips are forever sealed *fingers crossed*

the spastic sisters


Mucho mucho love and kisses from your #1 sister!!

Monday, November 06, 2006


I'm just skimming stones against the lake
While my dreams pass me by
Cos I've never known what to make of life
But I guess I'm willing to try

Sometimes it's better sometimes it's worse
Sometimes it heals sometimes it hurts ...

So hail to the morning wherever it dawns down on me
Cos it's now that I get to thinking
Some castles lie way beneath the sea

You always said that it would be such a long summer
And now its here and I can break the ice on this cold water

Sometimes it's better sometimes it's worse
Sometimes it heals sometimes it hurts ...

So hail to the morning wherever it dawns down on me
Cos it's now that I get to thinking
Some castles lie way beneath the sea

So hail to the morning wherever it dawns down on me
Cos it's now that I get to thinking this life's a mystery
So long live the moonlight wherever it dawns down on me
With the strength to part the ocean
I'll find my castle lies way beneath the sea

Castles - Sandi Thom

Beauty is beneath the surface ...

Friday, November 03, 2006

I'll Be Home Tonight

I miss home.

Many things can trigger homesickness for people at certain times. For me - it was a song this time.

Ever heard a tune play and suddenly you're 8 again and sitting next to the stereo bopping your head with not a care in the world and singing to Kylie's "I Should Be So Lucky" with your crumpled lyric sheet in hand?

Or you're 20 and suddenly aware you don't have your parents eyeing your every move anymore and you're driving along with your friends singing "No Such Thing" and know that we have our whole lives ahead of us?

Or you hear Tony Bennett crooning away "The Way You Look Tonight" and you're reminded again of the reason you fell in love with the person you call your everything.

This time it was a song I know not the name or words but the melody takes me back home.

The place where you grew up always retains a certain charm that takes you back again and again.
I miss the familiar smells in the morning of freshly brewed kopi susu and I miss the taste of fresh kopitiam toast generously spread with kaya and topped with a cold slab of butter all dipped in perfectly cooked soft-boiled eggs with soy sauce and pepper.

I miss the mornings in bed and hearing granny put on the kettle and make her cup of cereal and knowing that dawn is not too far away now and it's a brand new day again.

I miss the familiar faces and my mother calling the dog in mock anger and then catch her cooing scruffy when he's being his usual lovely self.

Home - when will I see you again?