Candy Floss

My head feels like it's been stuffed with cotton balls.

Neurons struggling to weave their way through white fluff masquerading as grey matter.

Reality lost in translation. Lucidity eludes. Maddening hysteria envelopes.

Hello ... is anyone home?

A Serving Of Life

When did we all change? No time to laugh no time to stop and smell the roses.

Suddenly, life IS work. And when did work become so depressing? I guess there's a reason why it's called work.

What about family? friends? art? culture? fresh air and sunshine? summer fruits and winter warmers?

Living?

Balance is everything ...

What Did I Come In Here For?

At what point do you go "This isn't right. This has got to stop."?

At what point do you stop denying there is a problem and bury it behind a joke like you always do?

First a memory of a classmate you've never really gotten to know and then you dismiss it and tell yourself - "Wasn't a big part of my life. No big deal".

And then whole chunks start to disappear and you start making stuff up to fill the void.

I have a memory problem. Lately not just the forget-your-keys kind. The what-did-I-say-a-moment-ago? kind. The memory-like-a-sieve kind.

Soon I'll have to scribble everything down in a grubby old notebook and wear a sign that has my address on it in case I get lost on the streets.

I fear the day I wake up and look into the mirror and see the reflection of a toothless Crypt Keeper and scream in horror upon realising that it's me - "But I was only 25 yesterday!!!". And then I'd have a video play back the highlights of my life like they did for Lucy back in 50 First Dates only I'm not kissing the man of my dreams but locked up in an institution.

Ok so I might be a little young to be considered for early onset Alzheimer's but still the amount I forget is frightening!

Gingko biloba! Pronto!

Hired!

D-Day is fast approaching and the days of freedom are quickly coming to an end.

I've sold my soul and bade farewell to my couch potato self.

That's right. I'm a grown up and I'm joining the troops in the real world.

Goodbye social life.

Hello office drone.

Au revoir liberté!

Resolutions Recap

Having taken such a long break I've become a major couch potato, a fact my mother can attest to. I've watched countless movies and tv dramas (back to back episodes), read a million blogs and surfed for hundreds of hours to fill my lazy days.

I've taken the liberty to do a little stocktake of my life since it sounds a lot better than cleaning the floors or doing the laundry and maybe find out if I've achieved anything so far - I have a slight inkling that my 8 month old nephew has more to show than myself.

Firstly, let it be known that I am really not THAT lazy or that big a sloth ... ok with that disclaimer I think it's pretty clear now how well my 2007 resolutions really went.

1. Be Nice - Not so much the delicate oriental flower that I had hoped to be but I reckon I've done pretty alright. I haven't been throwing hissy fits or tantrums unless you count the time my internet connection was taken away from me.

2. Be A Literary Snob - wow I think I did really well here. While I could count all the books I've read last year on 1 hand and still have a couple of fingers left over, I can proudly say I can use up all of the fingers in one hand this time! *pats self on back*

3. Buy Less Trashy Mags - Seriously, I'm actually doing really well! Because of my non-existant income at this point in time, trashy mags have not been bought but shamelessly read at the bookstores. Talk about being economical! *high five!*

4. Be Brave - um ... due to lack of employment I can't say very much about this apart from the fact that I've yet to master interviews.

5. Be A Gym Junkie - omg FAIL! I've gone on reverse gear and become the biggest couch potato ever.

6. Save $$$ - ok, I suppose I'm doing pretty well considering I've had no income for the past couple of months I've been forced to save. Otherwise, I'm sure I'll be blowing all my cash on shoes.

7. Be a Domestic Goddess - emm no comment.

8. Be The Best Goddamn Aunty In The World - if my NephewChubbyCheeks can talk right now he'd tell you I'm the best ... muahahahaha

9. Be A Style Guru - pffttt ... why did I even put this on my list!? I'm fabulous either way!

10. Enjoy Life - I'm grateful for the people and the things that I have in my life. Life is good .... but someone hire me please?

I did ok didn't I?

I've Been Had!

I was played!

I thought by now I'd be making some serious moolah for fancy dresses and shoes. Company A cheated me out of all my girly indulgences!

How can you promise me a job and do a back flip at the last minute?!

Now I'm back to square one.

This will only happen to me *sob*

I Suck

At interviews that is.

How does one go from puffed up chest in power suit to a stuttering log of turd in 5 mins? I have such an innate knack for pulling that off.

How I got all my jobs has got to be by pure dumb luck OR they were desperate OR they thought 'special' kids deserve a chance in life too.

I think I might be unemployed for a while ...

Net Withdrawal

My broadband decided to die on me for a couple of days.

Do they not know the repercussions of taking away what has become my sustenance?

Even people in rehab get weaned off their substances and have their twelve-step programs to work through recovery and sponsors to call when they feel like they're losing the plot.

I got no twelve-step program, no sympathy and a rather harrowing experience with Screwmyx's 'technical support' assistance.

I wanted to punch out the doors, chomp on computer cables, throw a chair out the window and stomp on little furry animals to ease the jitters and cold sweats.

Thank god for ice-cream and chocolates.

Insomniac

Can't seem to stay asleep these days - eyes wide open kind of sleeplessness.

While everyone drifts off to slumberland, my weary body stuck is with a head doing mental gymnastics.

Sometimes I think about my day - "I should have done that" or "Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that apple crumble" - to what I should do with my time tomorrow - finally finishing that book or having coffee with a friend.

And then I almost always find myself thinking about 1 or more of these 3 things:

1. Food
2. Death
3. Not-so-friendly monsters lurking under my bed

The top chef in me dreams about whipping up chocolate brownies in our new oven and cooking up a pasta storm. And then deluded enough to think that everyone will be falling all over themselves trying to get copies of my fabulous secret recipe.

And then sometimes I strangely think about mortality - mine and everyone else's. Maybe not so much the death part since death is pretty much a given the moment you are born. It's the how and when - shot by a crazed gunman while valiantly protecting an innocent or get my neck slashed by some random shard of glass ... yes, I'm morbid that way.

I also stupidly think about spectres and ghouls and souls with unfinished business at the most unsavoury of times. Why oh why do I do this to myself?! And it's usually at this point where my bladder starts overworking and I daren't make that journey to the bathroom for fear of meeting any unfriendly creatures of the night.

Then when I finally convince myself that I'm stupid and summon the courage to go, I silently remind myself not to respond if I hear my name being called or suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder or look in the mirror for fear of catching a reflection of some ... thing.

But remember, I am stupid ... and vain - so I look in the mirror. And there she was, a face white as sheet with hollow lifeless eyes, grey bloodless lips and hair in violent tangles.

So this is how insomniacs look like huh? I need sleep.

I Have An Owie

** Warning distressing pictures ahead. Scroll at your own risk**

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Look what my super human reflexes got me into ...

uh-huh that's right

ow ow ow!

How on earth was I supposed to know that blurry blue thing falling from its holder was a shaver with unprotected blades?! Who puts unprotected shavers on shaky holders?!

Apparently my mother does ...

Now I have a real REASON not to wash up, clean the floors or cook .... oh the pain!

No You Don't!

No, you do NOT get to tell us how we choose to spend our money or how we make our own personal choices.

No, you do NOT get to tell us that we could have been more prudent and it will be to our detriment when you assume that you know everything that goes on in our lives.

We have never asked you for anything and YOU HAVE. And yet you sit high up on your throne audaciously lecturing us about our choices and our lives when you have yet to set an example for the rest of us.

Do you think somehow by being our predecessor gives you the priviledge of superiority over us? And we should throw in our towels and submit to your demands and your rationale?

We know you love your power trips and your constant name dropping. Well, I for one will not "oohh" and "ahhh" over who you know or what they can do or even think "Wow! He is a really powerful man!".

I keep my cool in front of you because my parents taught me manners and I smile and nod at your never ending audacities because of the respect I have for my partner.

But do not treat us like silly children if you do not want us to treat you like an arrogant prick.

Idiot Box

I've become a full time couch potato and a web addict.

I need to get out more ...

let sleeping dogs lie

My Big Break

I guess being a lady of leisure isn't all it's cracked up to be.

My brains have turned into mush

Reflexes have delayed

My arse seems bigger

Depleting bank balance

I can't believe I'm saying this - I'm dying for a job *gasp*

In between

Suddenly I started to miss work. Well ... more like missing the money really. I could be a full-time bum if they paid me well enough.

Don't you just hate feeling guilty everytime you walk into a shop and buy a dress not knowing when your next paycheck is coming in? Or hold out on buying that pretty pair of shoes that's been calling your name everytime you walk by? Or ordering the cheapest thing on a menu?

Although bumming around has it's perks. Late nights and no early mornings. No need to brave the horrendous traffic or slave-driving bosses.

But I want shoes! Dresses! Holidays! Me wants lots of things!

*slaps self into reality*

Lazy Bones

Guess what I've been up to the last 4 weeks?

NOTHING! Wheee!!!

This bumming around thing seriously ROCKS! I wish I could do this a lot more often. Although living on your reserves and resisting going into shops and fancy-schmancy meals is not so fun.

I know I should continue looking for work ... but I've just decided to place all my eggs into one basket and hope to god that they think I'm a fantastic candidate and pay me gazillions to work there. I'm sure reality is not so sweet ... *purty please call me!*

Starting Over

Ok I think I've left my blog alone long enough!

Lots has happened since the last post.

New nephew! Quit my job in Sydney! Moved back to Kuala Lumpur! Now a poor unemployed sistah ...

Have been thinking about doing this space up a little but have never had enough follow-through to finish it ... maybe this is a good time to do it.

The 2007 Saga Begins

Happy New Year everyone! May the coming year bring plenty of joy and good fortune.

Reflecting upon last year, there were some memorable highs and lows.

Some of the highs are flying back home for my brother's marriage and of course the impending birth of my nephew got me into some crazed shopping spree for baby clothes and accessories!

And then The Boy and I are 4 years into our blissful life together and aiming for the next 50 or until I find a younger, perkier toy boy .... just kidding, hunny!

Work has helped padded up my résumé and given me some confidence to take on some of the challenges thrown at me on a daily basis. I've come to realise that people believe in me more than I believe in myself.

One of the biggest lows of 2006 has got to be losing my grandfather so soon after my brother's marriage. Today would have been his 84th birthday. I will miss him always.

I could say my spirit took a turn for the worst after the whirlwind trip home and I became a little unreasonable and moody. I think I left that sunny disposition back in Malaysia.

Undoubtedly, every new year also means making resolutions and turning into a new leaf. As much as I KNOW by June every year, the resolutions I've made were either long forgotten or too far-fetched for THIS year I still make them every single new year.

My 2007 Resolutions:

1. Be Nice! - seeing that I've turned into quite a grouch lately, I'm resolving to be a delicate oriental flower (with 1 or 2 thorns ... for when I need some TLC) for most of the year and try not to be such a meanie to The Boy.

2. Be a Literary Snob - ok, what I should have really written is, try NOT to be a literary SLOB that I am today but I'm aiming high ok. I've been such a freaking lazy lump the past year that I've bought all these books really meaning to read them but they're lost under my giant pile of trashy magazines (more on this later). Maybe not so snobbish ... I still like the occasional chick lit.

3. Buy Less Trashy Mags - see this for reference

4. Be Brave - try not to be a complete stuttering nervous wreck everytime I'm given something new to do at work.

5. Be a Gym Junkie - losing weight is a perennial favourite when it comes to resolutions ... so I HAVE to have it on my list. But really, I had this last year and I think I gained 2kgs instead of losing the 5 that I said I would ... oh god I need to work on this.

6. Save $$$ - also another perennial favourite but at least this one is sort of underway since I've been making my own brekkie and lunch at work and trying to cook at home as much as possible.

7. Be a Domestic Goddess - in the kitchen I mean. I have an obligation to The Boy's tummy as well as Resolution #6.

8. Be The Best Goddamn Aunty In The World - my nephew, the first child of our next generation deserves the best and hello ... I AM the best muahahaha

9. Be A Style Guru - I don't know how I'm going to do this seeing that Resolution #6 takes precedence but I'm going to do it. I will be better dressed than Rachel Zoe by the end of the year ... well at least I hope I will be.

10. Enjoy Life - Last but not least, enjoying the year will be something I look forward to doing. Sydney is such a picturesque city and I'm never making the most out of it. This year will be the year to stop and smell the roses and take in the city.

Bring it on.

A Day In The Life Of A Pen Pusher During Chrissie

Am loving the late starts, long lunches and early ends at work during the holiday period!

Am partly beating myself up for not taking time off during this quiet period but am also partly glad I'm bludging on company time muahahaha!

The year is rapidly coming to an end and I just quickly reflected on the past year and it doesn't seem like I've done or achieved much.

Maybe this weekend will give me a clearer picture ...

Mission Impossible

Last Friday at our management training we talked about mission statements. Our facilitator, who by the way is an amazing woman who has like 5 degrees under her belt and juggles motherhood AND a career that takes her around the world, asked us to write our own mission statement.

Now, it's lovely and all to write your own personal mission statement in 5 minutes and share it with a classroom of your colleagues. It is not so great when suddenly, I'm hit with a stark realisation *bing!!* that after having millions of goals and must-dos written down as a child, I've only very vague impressions of what my personal purpose is.

My personal mission statement that I wrote ... "To take chances and be the best I can be" - short and horribly cliché *shyness* Well, that was all I could come up with in 5 minutes! Coupled with the fact that I was sweating over the humiliation I was going to have to face reading this out in front of everyone. I survived the ordeal and then I got to seriously thinking.

As a child, I had a list of things I HAD to do before I turned 30.

Travel the world (still on the cards), meet the man of my dreams (check!), be a successful doctor (I was 10!), own a nice big house by the beach (before 30 sounds impossible), have billions of dollars in the bank (also impossible), have a degree (check! obviously I didn't realise being a doctor meant you had to have some sort of a degree. Again...I was 10!) etc. That list is probably still buried along with my Enid Blyton books. That is to say - these goals were made by a child.

As I am much more ahem ... mature now, I think it's time to re-evaluate that list.

My aspirations are a lot less tangible now compared to my 10 year-old self's. Needless to say, I was more or less a selfish, ambitious, incorrigible twat back then. That said, I think I'm still allowed a couple of material things on my list if I want to!

I rejigged my mission statement and this time I decided to put more thought and quality time into it. Yep ... I decided to sacrifice 10 minutes of TV time to write this:

"To live life with child-like wonder. To find happiness and contentment within myself through love, family and friends. To find my strength and wisdom from opportunities presented."

Not as deep or profound as I would like but who gives a crap? I'm sure I shall revisit this in 5 years (or maybe less) and still think I was such a selfish, ambitious, incorrigible twat.

Movie By Moonlight

So I decided to organise a mini surprise for The Boy and take him out for a movie under the stars.

After ordering the boy off to the gym, I whipped up some dinner in record time and frantically packed it all in the esky. Amazing I didn't forget anything. We had typical picnic food - salad, chicken wings, mashed potatoes, baked pasta & cold drinks.

Rolled up our beach towels and a trusty blanket and whisked The Boy off to Centennial Park for a date night ... every girl needs a date night with her man once in a while!

I reckon I pulled off the whole shindig surprisingly well. He didn't know where we were going or what we were doing until midway to the city when he made a few educated guesses.

We managed to pick a nice little cosy spot and hired a bean bed so that yours truly could watch in comfort =D

The verdict?

Miami Vice was so-so but the company was fantastic! Next date night is yours, hon!

happiness under the stars

Belvedere Amphitheatre @ Centennial Park


i was too cheap to buy these premium seats ...



the boy posing for an obligatory pic

yours truly enjoying her bean bed


tucking in